🔗 Share this article

The current year signifies a full decade since the term “ghosting” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly benign quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {